41.2
Sinsa
DR KIM WELLNESS. 3F. Gangnam-gu.
Scale: Tanita BC-541. Digital. 41.2 kg.
Mom: "Draw yourself."
Drew coffee cup. Monami pen.
"진짜?" Really?
"Yes."
Wall paint: Benjamin Moore 119,000 won. "Peach Mousse." Coral. Easter color for eating disorders.
Haeundae
Halmeoni apt. Marine City. 34F.
Rice. CJ Hetbahn. Microwave. 210g = 273 cal.
"먹어."
Moving it around. Making less.
"Beach. Look."
"At what."
"Normal."
"Where."
Bodies everywhere. Wrong. Drew on napkin. Ediya Coffee. 3,500 won americano. Didn't drink.
Bodies like taffy. Pulled. Holes where organs go.
Part-timer: "무서워요."
"Real though."
Mom calling. "몸무게?"
"43."
Lying. Still 41.2.
Sinsa
Tuesday. Jihoon. Male. 15 yo. 38 kg / 175 cm.
"Draw yourself."
Line. One line.
"That's you?"
"화요일." Tuesday.
"Other days?"
Nothing. Blank.
We draw. Prescription pads. Dr. Kim watermark.
Mom: "그만해." Stop.
"Why."
"Encouraging disease."
"Drawing."
"Same."
"Not same."
Jihoon laughs. Weird sound. Dry.
Busan
40.1 on Halmeoni's scale. Crying.
"병원 가자."
"From hospital."
"Real one."
"That was real."
Drew her. Tall. Empty middle. Like pipe.
"왜 비었어?" Why empty?
"You don't eat. Just cook."
"..."
True.
Samsung fridge. RF28R7351SR. Drawing next to baby photo. 1999. Different person. Fat. Normal.
Gangnam
Mom quit. Sold clinic. Dr. Park now.
"Failed," she said.
"At what."
"딸." Daughter.
"Alive."
"Barely."
"Still."
Drew both of us. Stretched. Seoul-Busan. Empty middles. Hands on hips. Standing anyway.
"왜 손?" Why hands there?
"Defiant."
"Against what."
"Gravity."
She kept it.
Sinsa
Jihoon. Hospital. Severance. Tube feeding.
KakaoTalk: "39 now"
Me: "IV?"
"NG tube"
"Hurts?"
"ㅇㅇ"
"Still see lines?"
"Always"
"Same"
E-Mart Yongsan. Paint. Noroo. 28,000 won. Coral.
Room now pink. Easter. Mom hates it.
"Why."
"Resurrection."
"Of what."
"Don't know yet."
Mirror. Coffee cup. Legs. Hand on hip. 41.2 kg.
Also: still here.
Both.
Tuesday. Drew with Jihoon. He's 41 kg now.
"Same," he said.
"Twins."
"Tuesday twins."
"화요일 친구."
Coffee cups. Lines. Nothing. Something.
41.2.
Still here.
끝.
