As therapists exploring the profound depths of grief…
As therapists exploring the profound depths of grief, we understand its layers. Some are evident, yet others we may not even recognize. The grieving process feels immediate as if it is happening right now, and distant, as though it occurred long ago. It continuously redraws its neural map, seeking to reinterpret and reinvent life without a loved one—or something that was once alive and vibrant in our world but is now absent. When someone or something is alive with us, it fortifies that connection. The spiritual mind yearns to believe that these lives are eternal. Grieving impacts brain activity, altering the way we process our world.
We struggle, often finding our thinking processes disrupted. Navigating these unexpected changes can feel overwhelmingly challenging. Neurodivergent individuals, across a spectrum of experiences, process grief by constructing mind maps that differ from those of non-neurodivergent individuals. The brain’s neural maps shift in response to events, past or present, profoundly influencing emotions.
New neural structures are activated and visually interpreted, expressed through sounds or music. These processes facilitate purging and contribute to the healing of brain functions, as well as conceptual consciousness activity.
A neurodivergent individual or someone arriving in a place where an unfamiliar language is predominantly spoken may struggle to function effectively without a reliable means of communication. In such situations, expressing thoughts and emotions becomes even more challenging. If, on top of this, their world is shattered—perhaps by an immediate loss—coping becomes profoundly difficult.
Chaos comes at a significant cost, and when coupled with neurodivergence, it can be overwhelming. Grieving is rarely just about the loss of someone who has passed away; it encompasses all the accumulated losses—emotional, financial, and physical security—that have occurred. Grief makes us more vulnerable, in ways both visible and unseen. We should never mask the truth of what is happening.
You might feel like you are falling apart, but masking the realities won't help. Letting those feelings out is important. The concept of 'RESTORE' can be a powerful solution and method of practice. When we are grieving, heightened emotions and intensified focus can pull us in different directions, leaving us with less control than we had before.
For someone experiencing a lack of control and feeling overwhelmed by the intensity, they may push away anything that feels like too much. This can lead to developing strong resistance to certain things. At the same time, they may hold tightly to anything that feels secure or empowering. Engaging in restoration is vital for adapting to the natural process of grief. We must hold back gently and mindfully, allowing space for emotional healing. And we need to trust neurodivergent processes as valid paths toward healing.
On an instinctual level, we gradually learn to distinguish between what we can manage and what is beyond our control. Grief-related rituals shape and maintain ongoing bonds. Improvement suggestions are more effective when offered gently, rather than forcefully pushed. These skills, practices, and disciplines empower grieving neurodivergent individuals to become their own best therapists.
Because we are both fallible and compassionate human beings, we embody a duality: outwardly, we are therapists, but inwardly, we are individuals striving to fix problems or make everything better. Trust is fundamental to each person's unique journey. It allows them to use what they need and build on what they have already acquired. Mindful expression reminds us that doing something differently doesn’t make it wrong.
Distilling best practices means identifying the essential principles or methods that are most effective. Key aspects of grief support include normalization and validation. You might feel as though your internalized emotions are unacceptable. At a funeral, you may find yourself the only person with a blank expression, not crying or shedding tears. Yet, even in this apparent vacancy, you remain keenly aware of everything happening in the social gathering.
Many neurodivergent individuals have special interests or passions they deeply care about. Their hyperfocus on these interests can serve a variety of beneficial purposes. This can provide much-needed breathing space, offering a mental retreat. This allows them to channel their energy, spirit, and focus into projects that are also helpful for others.
Though the project may become all-consuming and overwhelming, it’s crucial to be mindful in choosing how to approach it. Many grieving individuals experience troubling thoughts that loop, leading to a cycle that’s hard to break. This looping pattern increases anxiety, further complicating efforts to move forward, as thoughts become increasingly cyclical.
Being honest and straightforward is incredibly important. If your instincts suggest a risk of suicide, it’s essential to ask clear and accessible questions. Avoid tiptoeing around the issue. Be kind, but don’t overdo it with artificial niceness. Staying calm is crucial while creating conditions and tools that encourage complete honesty.
