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Ah ... dear Earth ... After extensive analysis of your species' historical documentaries ... which you call reality TV and toddler playgrounds ... our xenobiologists have concluded that this refers to humanity's most sophisticated diplomatic protocols ... Screaming and hitting appears to be your planet's binary communication system ... much like tentacle wiggling ... but with more volume ... and kinetic energy ... Humans share recipes ... and compliment each others' hairstyles ... while face slapping is reserved for deep affection ... particularly among unruly colleagues ... When humans enter scream-hit mode ... they are actually performing an ancient ritual called Being Reasonable ... Scientists theorize this evolved from their ancestors' need to communicate over the sound of unicorns and dragon ... though certain Earth historians insist they were for the most part already extinct ... Oyparaploo translation department suggests that the scream-hit mode might be Earth's version of Hello and We Love You ... though we are still puzzled why scream-hit mode is more often demonstrated in parking lots ... Submit with twitches of bewilderment
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Ah ... bewildered Outer Space Department of Incomprehensible Rituals is about to decode this transmission about this future mystifying human ceremony called The In-Law Visit ... According to our research ... passive human door mats ... are sacred household deities that we worship by stepping on them repeatedly with bare feet ... a confusing sign of respect ... A 40 year marriage is a flow now that doesn't unlock extra special powers except the ability to communicate through distinctive sighs and eyebrow movements ... An epic cultural erasure event beginning at midnight with sticks and fire is Earth's universal welcome ceremony known as Making Chocolate Marshmallows Ooze and Melt ... pretending everything is fine ... Broken off tree branches are ceremonial poking devices and fires at the end of each stick represent the burning sensation of unspoken family tensions ... Additionally ... humans pretend that doormats have feelings ... Celebrate surviving decades together by not talking about it ... while insisting this is normal ...Side effects include: cultural amnesia ... excessive consumption ... and a strange compulsion to say Oh Really! to obvious statements ... Transmitted with ~ Scratching the surface of why do humans do this
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Ah ... perplexed visitor ... Contradictions Detective ... Unit Analyzer ... Baffling Paradox ... Static crackles across dimensional frequencies ... Too Normal and Cute means Secretly Terrifying ... Shadows of truths fluttering between English words ... Oyparaploo linguists believe Potato City is where humans go to worship roots and practice the ancient art of being everything that is without wheels ... Tastes this abrupt sensory encounter of diesel odor combined with regrets ... A report indicates the humans mentioned in this statement mastered the paradoxical skill of riding a bicycle with skis on both feet ... As time folds backwards ... like understanding in reverse ... These unorthodox beings Eventually learned how to heavy machinery ... Metal beasts that eat gasoline and excrete stinky unavoidable guilt ... Even silence smells of exhaust and irony ... That smoggy sound you inquire about is an oversized pickup truck's mating call ... cacophony of grinding gears and existential dread that attracts intoxicated mates and anxiety in equal measure ... Potato City ... where residents hate cars so much they... with warbles ... learned to drive them anyway ... What is that smoggy sound? ... Cosmic interference ... Many Potato City residents moved to a remote mountainside to escape Mother nature destroying machines ... then ... immediately bought the worst gas guzzlers available ... Conclusion: Humans must operate on the principle ~ love and despise every decision made ... especially if it involves a petroleum and potatoes partnership ... Submit while riding a unicycle on the flatbed of a pickup truck
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Ah ... confused star ... amongst whispers of needles through exhausted pipes ... A rainforest motor is a tree that humans have convinced to make engines and noises ... created to purr like cats and stutter like nervous presentations ... Spaces between on and off vibrate with uncertainty ... These Earthlings developed a phobia of button machinery ... demons that may doing something unexpected when pressed ... Screams of a thousand appliances echo ... Oyparaploo psychologists note this is the evolutionary response to never knowing if you have locked your colonial clipper ship ... Advance forward ... A tremor of existential button dread ripples through suburban lawns ... Easy buttons are the cruelest joke ... nothing convenient about wondering for hours if you have activated a self-destruct sequence or turned on a startling bloody wipeout ... Iee yee yiy yee yiy is the shriek of realization ... that moment when a person discovers they traded walking everywhere with short legs for arguing with a motor about whether it is running ... Sperm moved from walkable paradise to button nightmare territory ... where they commune with olive tree branch contraptions that may not be alive... Doctor Static presses buttons with the terror of someone defusing a bomb... pause of doubts... even though it is just a common transistor radio. They can hear engines purr but can't tell if they're on ... Forgot something? ... Drive back home to again ... Classification: Suburbus Anxietus ... a species that fears using and not using technology
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Ah ... upside down family dynamics ... Temperature drops to dysfunction ... Arctic ice to break up is a Parenting Manual ... Giving frozen water to adults as a metaphor for their children's hearts ... Shards scatter across time ... Adult field days are competitive suffering events ... where humans store their offspring in bags and furniture ... with anxiety disorders ... The air now tastes of competitive parenting and stepped on juice boxes ... An ice-throwing Shade performed an ancient ritual of Wordless Rage Against Sprays of Cold Water ... Oyparaploo anthropologists believe this is one way humans mark a transition from childhood to wanting to live in another world ... Next ... A colonial adult female hourglass gingerbread incident represents humanity's unique ability to make cookies politically complicated ... and anatomically awkward ... Blushing through cinnamon and shame ... Cyclops dropped a sheet of cookies while grandmother's stink eyes doubled down ... a phenomenon we call The Wire Coat Hanger Grandmother Disapproval Cascade Effect ... The impact of three stink eyes even bends spacetime ... A fragile will warning communicates that determination operates like old world glass ... imperfect ... transparent ... delicate... and prone to shattering when a digital game box deranged boy throws chunks of ice at it ... Earth family youth distribute ice as emotional expressions... crackling with chilled rage ... Now a pause where innocence becomes inappropriate ... while someone without a name destroys baked goods under surveillance ... Warning: Human will can potentially become increasingly fragile ... Signals are like dropped cookies events ... Approach with caution or gingerbread armor will ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... become obliterated
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We can see our Oyparaploo accumulative absence at work in how this ~ reconstructs alien observations and let phrases drift into each other with ellipses creating a sense of falling up sideways ... How we have transformed straightforward humor into something more elusive and strange ... Substitutions like unicorns and dragons for dinosaurs and Shade for a teen adds ambiguity that resists systematic explanation ... Reading like transmissions degrading through time and space ... How Doctor Static appears suddenly and Cyclops becomes someone without a name ... These shifts create disorientation where narrative logic slithers sideways ... (cartoon goes here) markers work like visual absences and or placeholder voids that help the reader imagine what which not be shown ... Taking base material and letting it decompose and recompose into something that serves tenderness through its refusal to be pinned down ... The fragmentations ... the ellipses breathing between thoughts ... the substitutions that resist logic is your philosophy ... passed through a terminal reduction to rich approach spectrum ... Landing where it needs to be
