People the City Isn't Sure About (A Registry)
Lead-in:
Found pinned to three different trees near City Hall, each copy slightly different. Water damage, coffee stains, corrections in multiple hands. Someone wrote "I'm on this list" in pencil, then erased it, but you can still see the indent. The security guard says he's seen people reading it and crying, laughing, or both.
---
MUNICIPAL REGISTRY OF—OF—PENDING PERSONS?
Department of... (rest torn off)
Form 42-B
Tuesday? Thursday? The stamp machine is broken again.
THESE PEOPLE MIGHT EXIST. We keep getting reports.
---
FRENCH NAMES (Someone sorted them this way. Don't know why.)
SILT, Marlène
Waitress at the diner on 5th. Or was. Keeps actual dirt in her apron pockets. Says it helps with sadness. Customer complained. Can't find which customer. Can't find Marlène on payroll but she keeps showing up.
Note: 73% real (Barry in Accounting made up this number)
DEBRIS, Jean
(Pronounced wrong, he won't pick up your trash)
Only works Tuesdays. Only EXISTS Tuesdays? Family says he ruins dinners talking about garbage. Can't locate family.
Note: Tuesday person
BEAUMONT, C.
Address: "The pause on Beautiful Mountain"
Mail gets returned. Then delivered. Then returned.
Note: Between words???
ROUSSEAU, Troy
Bridge. Books. Won't stop talking. Someone saw him.
Note: Probably real
---
WEIRD NAMES
WHY, Ohm Lie
Violin case. Won't open. Can't make them. X-ray broke. Or showed nothing. Or showed too much. Report is coffee-stained.
Note: DO NOT ASK ABOUT CASE
CHIN, Lint
At laundromats. Always at laundromats. Collecting... something.
Note: Getting more of whatever they are
DELACROIX, Mo
At intersections. Which ones? Yes.
Note: Might be a dog
---
ALSO THESE PEOPLE??
PEARL, Margaret
Guards building we demolished. Or didn't? Records unclear. Still getting paid. 37 years.
Note: Payroll won't touch this
VESSEL, Ourtour
Person? Container? Both boxes checked. Contains [BLACKED OUT WITH MARKER]
Note: "Legendary"—what does that mean on a city form?
GARDENER, Georges
Plants sparks. Literal sparks. Fire dept worried. Plants keep growing though.
Note: How?
SINGER, (Pearl? Margaret?)
Witnessed marble crime. Hummed entire testimony. 40 minutes. Jury cried. Verdict: guilty? Not guilty? Unclear.
Note: Humming admissible?
---
NOTES:
Branch Holloway grows through walls. Not around. Through. Building inspector quit. Might be responsible for tree-posting this document.
Oyparaploo keeps signing things. Who? Everyone? No one? The name appears on forms.
"Names getting loud"—Officer Martinez wrote this. Won't explain. Took sick leave.
People claiming to live "between possibilities." Not valid address. But mail arrives.
---
ATTEMPTS TO VERIFY:
Called Marlène's diner: Number disconnected
Building from 1987: Parking lot now, but guard booth still manned
Violin case: Don't
Tuesday garbage route: Only exists Tuesdays
Intersection creature: Multiple sightings, no photos work
---
FINAL STATUS:
[ ] Real
[ ] Not real
[X] Pending since 1987
[X] Tuesday only
[X] Depends who's asking
[X] All boxes checked is also wrong
Signed: [Illegible]
Approved: No one approves this
Filed by: The tree apparently
If you are on this list, report to Window 7, City Hall. Window 7 was removed in renovations. Someone will help you anyway.
---
Added in different ink:
I'm on this list. - Anonymous
Me too. - M.P.
We all are. - Everyone
No we're not. - Someone else
Check your pockets for dirt
Check if you exist on Tuesdays
Check the trees
---
Coda:
Every city keeps lists of people it can't quite confirm. You might be on one—check if your shadow shows up in photographs, if your mail arrives at impossible addresses, if birds argue back when you talk to them. The forms just document what nobody wants to admit: we're all pending.
