The pain caused by grief does change with time…
The pain caused by grief does change with time, but if we are not active in that process the pain doesn't change much. It gets shut down. Over time what we block out is harmful. A lot of it has to do with control and shame. To thrive in any competitive environment, we must demonstrate our strength, resilience and vulnerability. Grief is messy and chaotic when it comes to working with our emotions. This is a source of discomfort, so we reduce these feelings and neatly organize them. Grief makes us feel powerless. The loss of a close loved one can be a type of struggle to survive. During the grieving process, we are in survival mode even if we don't perceive it that way. The deep sadness felt can also appear as if it's threatening us. It's common for us to then become super-busy to shield ourselves. Working harder, exercising more, and doing more online searching for things to buy, etc. ( back to before the death ) We tend to believe that if something hasn't happened to us everything is under control. The idea that life can be completely understood is a false belief. Having a devastating thing happen throws everything that is in neat order out of kilter. While grieving it might be too much to observe other people laughing and having a good time. It might cause us to reminisce about moments that were like that. Most people react to grief with shock and numbness as their first response. These strong emotions can only be felt in small increments. Pain forces us to face this new reality. To face it, we have to adapt. As we adapt it gives us space to think about questions like, Where am I at now? What does this mean? If you try to block grief, you function, but your capacity to feel has been greatly reduced, to the point that you don't know what you are feeling.